I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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