tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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