$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
