"it" just moved
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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