he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
