if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
