I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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