Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
