I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
