she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
