saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
