I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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