Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
