hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
