Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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