me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
