my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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