I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
