My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
