I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
