i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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