I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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