I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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