She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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