Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm passing your future prison.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Randomize
