i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
