Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
