So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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