so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
