I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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