Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
