But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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