Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
