Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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