she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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