dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
