the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
