so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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