When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
