At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
