Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
