Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
