Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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