I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
