I want to have your abortion
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
