Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
