the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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