Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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