do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
