My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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